Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
