I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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