her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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