god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
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