im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
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