So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize
