i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
