Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
