I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
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