I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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