There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
