I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
