how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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