you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
