I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
