i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Randomize
