I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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