eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
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She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
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Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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