Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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