Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Randomize
