I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
OPIZZABONMYDICK
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
