at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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