And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
