I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Randomize
