She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
You're a waste of cheezeits
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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