You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
