Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
