smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
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