I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
