Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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