Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
