I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Randomize