my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
