she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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