I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
