Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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