Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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