I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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