I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
