i need an iv and a liver transplant
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
i think im in europe. pls send help
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