C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
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It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
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There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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