every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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