Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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