How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
