There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
