You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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