yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
