I can't watch pbs sober anymore
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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