One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
