It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
