Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
