My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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