I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
