We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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