I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
