The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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