I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I need a beard to bite.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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