A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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