well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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