if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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