I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
