just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I have feelings that need drinking.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
