well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
