i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Randomize
