girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
