At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
