I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
be right there i have to get my cape
Two words: blizzard sex
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
