Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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