Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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