1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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