somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Everything about him screamed your future.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
It was a blind-side dick pic.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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