Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
