Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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