is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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