Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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