I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
