I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
