So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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