i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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