Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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