his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
